Life is a journey… | the ramblings and writings of a guy who prefers to write on paper, but can't live without the internet…

It’s all in the eyes

There’s something in peoples eyes. There’s all the things you’d expect to see in the windows of the soul. But there are things deep enough that sometimes you can’t quite decide what they are, though they are definitely there. Eyes are the gateway to something deeper than most people realize. They show things which are hidden to most people. When you take the time to look and if you pay attention to what you are seeing, you find yourself understanding a great deal more than you might imagine. Slight changes in coloring, pupil dilation, even the clarity of the iris itself are all tells if you can read them. I have been told that my eyes, during moments of extreme joy and profound contentment, are a brilliantly clear crystalline ice blue with starbursts around the pupils. And in my darkest moments the irises are so dark they are almost midnight blue.

As a general rule people avoid direct eye contact. It is something akin to fear, I think. Fear of what you will see in the other person, and fear of what they will see in you. Mostly the latter, as it is a fear so innately unsettling that people are incapable of confronting it. Think about it, how often do you really make eye contact with someone? We look at faces, lips, ears, hair, noses, and every other part of the face except the eyes themselves. When is the last time you made solid eye contact with yourself in the mirror? Try it the next time you find yourself standing in front of a mirror. Look up and make eye contact with the person in the mirror looking back at you. Actually look yourself in the eye and see how long you can take it before you instinctively turn away. It is rarely longer than a split second, at least at first.

There are, however, those brief moments where someones eyes meet yours.

It happens when you least expect it. You aren’t trying and aren’t even paying attention. And boom! In that split second, one which often feels like hours, two souls are open to each other without any barriers. So much non verbal communication happens in one split second that your experience is often beyond comprehending specifics. It is somewhat akin to a kind of instinctive empathy that gets passed from one to another, happening completely unbidden and unrestrained. The joy is in knowing that you now understand a little more about the other person. The frustration comes in realizing that you don’t understand because they haven’t uncovered a piece of themselves. Their blind spots are yours when viewed in their eyes.

I am someone who is fond of solid eye contact in certain moments. If I am struggling to understand what you are saying or what you mean, I will watch your eyes as I listen to you speak. I’ve tried shutting my eyes and trying to focus on voice alone, or trying to read lips but those simply don’t work. When I am trying to discern what is going on in your world I will focus on your eyes almost to the point of not hearing you speak at all. Think of the phrase “lost in your eyes”.

And you, my friend, are harboring a hidden secret. I understand now that it has been eating at you the entire time we’ve known each other. No, I don’t know what it is, but somehow I think that you are beginning to uncover it. The sadness you hold, is tied up in this mystery as well as the other parts of your life. The fear is quite genuine and justified. Yet, I can’t help but think that there is a significant measure of this fear wrapped around this little enigmatic puzzle. Know that I have walked a very similar path in some ways to the one you now find yourself on. No two paths are the same, but I can guarantee that you are stepping into some familiar stomping grounds from my past.

I can walk with you, but not for you,
beside you, but not in front nor behind.
I cannot lead you, and will not follow you,
yet I am with you, and will not leave you.

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